


The Human and the Eldritch Horror

by ZetsPsych



Category: Original Work
Genre: Comedy, Lovecraftian, Lovecraftian Monster(s), Meta, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 17:21:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21165320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZetsPsych/pseuds/ZetsPsych
Summary: This is a long form meta joke and if I were to summarize it it'd ruin the joke. It has a lovecraftian setting if that helps.





	The Human and the Eldritch Horror

The non-euclidian geometry of the cityscape would've caused any human to go mad. Unthinkable, unspeakable horrors roamed the street looking for ways to survive in a society that expected an unfathomable amount of effort out of them. Corners were filled with monstrous creatures speaking in tongues that would make human throats bleed trying to pronounce the hellish words of the race before time, and also had the occasional nut job who chanted the second coming of Shub Niggurath.

Alone in their apartment (since I can't describe it as "hidden between four walls"), an eldritch being waited until the planets aligned as a catalyst for the ultimate taboo.  
A three dimensional drawing plastered against the air itself marked the beginning of a forbidden seal to conjure the impure, drawing energy from existence itself and tearing through the fabric of reality, making a passage through the realms that no other being has ever walked until now.

A human being appeared in front of the horror that made the enchantment.

Quickly, the creature invoked a spell that would protect the human mind from exploding with the unknown; one that shielded the eyes so they could interpret the ambient, and a human-to-eldritch translator set to English.

The human opened their eyes. Their mouth widened in awe of the situation presented before their eyes, and exclaimed from the top of their lungs:  
\- What madness is this!? What a pitiful world is this that I have come to inhabit!? Death would be a release next to this travesty! 

The monster lighted up a cigar and started smoking without saying a word.   
\- Answer me, you foul beast! Why have you transported me here?!?   
\- Cause, you see, sugar... - the monster explained - a story, or a joke for that matter, in which a lonely shut in human invoked an eldritch monster in order to make them their girlfriend, would've been far too obvious.

**Author's Note:**

> I keep on dreaming that if I keep writing bad jokes I'll eventually end up with my very own sketch show like Monty Python. I mean Logan bloody Paul got a film deal and he's way unfunnier than me. Sky's the limit, baby.


End file.
